How to Deal With a Child Who Steals: You Caught Your Child Stealing

You caught your child stealing. Perhaps this is not the first time. One of a parent’s worst nightmares can be that of learning that his or her child steals. This can happen at any time, in any home, school or community setting.

In reality, few people go through life without stealing something. When someone states that he or she has never stolen anything, that person is not being honest with him or herself, or others. Maybe he or she actually thinks that taking something that belongs to someone else in certain situations, is not really stealing.

For example, when did you last steal a kiss?

“EW56Bhttp://www.kellybear.com/TeacherArticles/TeacherTip65.htmlWH6PDChildren Who Steal, Z6EFP” an article by Leah Davies, M. Ed., suggests there is a certain period of time when a child begins to comprehend the concept of stealing.

“A child’s true understanding of the concept of stealing usually occurs between the ages of five and seven.”

The word steal implies a person is taking something that does not belong to him or her, without having obtained the other person’s permission first. Part of the difficulty with being a child is that of being self-centered or self-oriented. A child is exploring his or her world, trying to learn what that he or she can or cannot do.

For example, a child watches his or her parents or siblings steal cookies from a plate and sees it as something that he or she can do, too. It can be a fun thing for everyone, especially when the cookies are fresh out of the oven. This puts stealing in a positive light.

Parents may steal from their children thinking nothing of it, even though the child is aware of it. 

For example, a parent steals a child’s Halloween treats. The child may or may not know that it is wrong for the parent to steal his or her candy. He or she may sense it is wrong, but since it is a parent loved by the child, what happens does not really matter. 

Often what happens in done in fun and is rewarded in some way.

Are parents teaching their children to steal with positive re-enforcement? That is a frightening thought. In reality, it does matter because a child is going through a continual, learning process. He or she is learning the difference between right and wrong. and thus, must learn not to steal because stealing is socially unacceptable as a behavior. In other words, a child learns by example, so the first thing that parents need to do to deal with a child that steals is to set an example by not stealing. That may not always be easy to do. A child who watches a parent steal will also steal.

The word no is important when it comes to a child who steals. 

He or she needs to learn that when a parent says no, he or she means it. In other words, a child tries to steal a toy from another child and the parent says no. The child puts it down or gives it back in response to appropriate parental directives.

Honesty and integrity are things learned by children, at an early age. 

For example, a parent watches his or her young child steal another child’s tricycle. The parent confronts the child. “Did you steal that other child’s tricycle?” he or she asks. The child learns to tell the truth to his or her parents. The child also learns that it is wrong to steal another child’s tricycle and that he or she can confide in his or her parents, without fear of punishment. Repeated offences as the child grows older, may include punishment of some kind, like the loss of privileges.

Retribution is another thing that children need to learn. Retribution can include reward or punishment. 

For example, an older child may need a reward of some kind, from his or her parents for telling the truth and returning the bicycle that he or she stole. At the same time, he or she needs to know that what he or she did was not right and that repetitive behavior of the same kind or similar to it, is not appropriate in the future.

A child must learn that there are consequences that follow stealing.

For example. an older child steals something in a store. The parent or parents can help that child to return the item or items, with them present and offer an appropriate apology. It may be embarrassing for the parents, but it is important for a child to learn how to rectify something that he or she has done wrong.

Peer pressure is often a cause for older children to steal.

For example, older children break into people’s homes and vehicles to steal anything that they can find, often submitting to the challenges of peer pressure. They learn that people call the police with respect to theft. These kinds of incidents tend to include parental involvement, severe reprimands and court action.

Children of all ages are fascinated by things, collecting them and hiding them wherever.

For example, if a parent discovers a child’s cache of stolen treasures, it may be time for their parents to confront him or her about where he or she obtained them. A good talking to about the seriousness of theft, may be in order and resolve the problem of stealing immediately.

Kleptomania must be resolved. 

For example, when a child habitually takes or steals anything that he or she sees that fascinates him or her, kleptomania develops over time. Often a child tending towards kleptomania has other, more serious problems that need to be resolved..  

In childhood, patterns of good and bad behavior develop over time. 

Bad habits can be formed and broken early in life, if the parent or parents are aware of what is happening with their child. Establishing good parent-child communication early in life and maintaining it as the child grows older, is one of the best ways to deal with stealing.

Remember that there is always forgiveness, too. 

A child can often learn as much, if not more from forgiveness, than from punishment. Seeking medical guidance including child and family counseling or advice from their teachers, may prove beneficial to everyone in a family, if there is a child who steals.