Tips for Teaching Children How to Budget: Wants Versus Needs

In the learning process, many children struggle trying to understand hundreds of new words and related concepts. The word budget is not one that most parents teach children very early in life, as they receive most of what they need and want from their parents, as well as from others and thus, are not involved in family budgeting, to any extent. They could and should be.

Older children, teens and adults, once taught budgeting basics, begin to manage their money more effectively. Even young children need to understand the significance of a budget.

Needs versus wants:

Simplified for younger children, budgeting becomes a question of needs versus wants, which can be taught from an early age onward. 

For example, Teddy, a five year old, screams at his parents, demanding that they purchase a truck he has found on a shelf, in the toy store. 

“I want that truck!”

“You want it, but you don’t need it,” replies his mother, teaching him to manage money effectively, by learning the difference between his needs and wants.

“Teddy, you don’t really need another truck, as you have several already. Perhaps your father and I can put it on the list of things that you want for Christmas. Together, we may be able to work it out on our family budget.”

The word budget is now part of a five year his vocabulary, even if he does not fully understand.

Learn to say no:

“But I want it!” insists Teddy. “Buy it for me, now!”

Maybe that approach has worked for him before, but not this time. Saying no is often hard to do with small children, but it is important, as they need to understand what no means. 

Set allowance guidelines:

Even a young child can learn about budgeting by receiving and spending his money, within the guidelines of an allotted weekly allowance.

“How about if we put away a quarter from your allowance every week and save up for your truck?” 

“But, I need my allowance for candy,” Teddy argues.

Finding sufficient income to meet basic needs is not always easy for parents. Giving in to the demands made by their children may not necessarily be the best solution either. It is merely temporary pacification, which can lead to later demands of the same nature.

“We have some Halloween candy in the cupboard,” states his mother. That simply means no, stated differently.

Talk about budgeting:

“We will talk about buying that truck you want when we get home,” suggests Teddy’s mother.

Now, Teddy’s mother has opened the door for further dialogue about budgeting with her son. Dialogue is important, as Teddy may still not understand the difference between what he wants and what he needs.

Does he really need candy?

“If you are on your best behavior, you may have a chocolate bar tonight.”

Maybe candy should be a special treat or a reward.    

Draw up a tentative budget together:

“I have ten dollars in my piggy bank,” boasts Teddy.

“Two more dollars and you will have enough to buy that truck,” replies his mother.

“But then I won’t have any money in my piggy bank.”

Write everything down:

“You are going to need a new winter jacket,” says Teddy’s mother, taking a notebook and making a notation about how much money he has in his piggy bank, the cost of the truck and the need for a jacket. 

“Put this in the drawer where you keep your allowance.” 

Teddy’s mother is working out a simplified, long-term solution with him, letting him start to assume some responsibility for it. Teddy will begin to understand that on a budget, money is necessary for things he needs. Not every cent he has can go for the fun things that he wants. 

Bargaining:

Children soon learn how to bargain with their parents.

“If you and daddy pay for my jacket, then I can buy that truck,” suggests Teddy, who has already forgotten about the candy. His mother has not, but she is not going to reward him for his earlier, bad behavior.

Reaching a compromise is often a good idea, as children see that it is possible to discuss and resolve budget issues with their parents. 

“One quarter a week, though,” insists his mother, smiling, knowing that her son is now able to bargain with her. 

“It’s a deal.”

“Let’s go home and get that chocolate bar, I promised you.”

How Parental Stress Harms Children: Parental Stress Can Affect Children Adversely

Understanding how children react to parental stress is not always easy. Ideally, parents try to protect their children often not realizing how their parental stress harms their children. Many times, children manifest stress-related symptoms, but their parents do not know why. Their stress may be associated with misunderstandings between parents and their children.

When parents are having difficulty coping with their own interpersonal relationship, other serious concerns like unemployment or global, economic problems, their children do not always know where the actual problem lies, but they are sensitive to the resulting parental stress and tend to react to it in different ways. 

Look at a fictional case study showing how parental stress can affect children.

Miranda, a bright and happy six-year old, overhears part of her father’s heated conversation with her mother. 

He states emphatically. “We cannot afford to have any more children. In fact, we cannot afford to feed the ones we already have.” 

Over the next few weeks, Miranda becomes increasingly despondent and begins to lose weight. She is not accustomed to her parents arguing. She picks at her food and has what her mother refers to as temper tantrums.

“I am not hungry,” she yells at her mother, as she pushes her food away.

Later, Mercury, her seven-year old sister, overhears part of another conversation between their parents.

“Who will take the children when we leave?” their mother asks her husband, who is currently unemployed. They are talking about moving to another town in the near future, where there is a higher likelihood of employment for both of them. “They have to live with someone.”

“Miranda, we need to find someone to take care of us and another place to live,” Mercury tells her younger sister, later that evening. “Mom and dad are leaving.”

Miranda is even more devastated, but together, they quietly agree to find someone who will take them in.

“Maybe our new neighbors can adopt us,” Miranda says, finally. “If only you didn’t eat so much!” she yells at Mercury, who is quite chubby. 

No one knows why the girls are arguing at bedtime. Mercury decides to go on a diet.

Douglas, their eight-year old brother, suspects that something is wrong at home and begins to question the girls. He is shocked at what they tell him.

“I know mom and dad don’t have any money, but they would never let us go hungry or leave us,” he reassures them. “I will take care of you, if they do leave.”

Douglas puts his bicycle and a number of his childhood toys on the front lawn and places a for sale sign on them. He earns fifty dollars which he hides, just in case of an emergency. He starts stealing and stockpiling things that he can sell, if necessary.

“I didn’t make any money,” he lies to his mother and then, over the next few weeks, begins to experience nightmares.

“I am too young to be a father,” he tells himself, but at the same time, he adopts a more responsible, father-like attitude towards his younger sisters. He begins to fight with his older brother, Bradley, who by nature is relatively irresponsible.    

Several days later, Bradley, after overhearing a heated conversation between his parents about rising rates of unemployment and the declining global economy, hands his father paper work from high school.

“I am fourteen, quitting school and getting a job.” 

His father refuses to sign the papers.

“No, you are not quitting school. You are not old enough.”

This is the first of many, angry confrontations Bradley has with his father, as he becomes increasingly antagonistic towards him.

“You cannot support us,” he accuses his father, who is too embarrassed about his unemployment status to respond.

Bradley begins to hang around with a group of older boys, every evening. They are smoking, drinking and trafficking in marijuana. Bradley sees it as a way of earning some money, even though he knows it is wrong.  

While children do not understand everything that is happening in family situations, they are sensitive enough to parental problems and their related stress to begin to look for what they see as possible answers of their own. The solutions they come up with are not always good, but sometimes they are amazing.

“Mom, Miranda and I are old enough to do the housework, if you want to look for a job,” Mercury tells her mother. “We can take care of ourselves now. We understand, Mom.”

Not all of the solutions the children come up with are negative in nature, as children can be positive and constructive with respect to problem resolution, too. These four children are smart enough to know that the parental stress is financial in nature.

“You can use the money from my piggy bank for the bus,” suggests Miranda. “I talked to Mrs. Ogilvie. She says that will look after us, if we get sick and have to stay home from school.”       

At school, the children’s marks are dropping and their teachers are becoming increasingly concerned, as they are all having recurrent relationship problems with the children. The principal threatens to expel Bradley, after he is caught smoking marijuana in the schoolyard. He is bullying younger children in an attempt to get them to try marijuana.       

A second parent-teacher meeting takes place, after Miranda confides her concerns to her teacher.

“Do you want child and family services to assist you?” she asks Miranda’s mother.

The children’s parents are shocked to find out what their children think is happening and realize that their parental stress with respect to their financial matters, has changed their entire family life and hurt their children, as well.       

While this is only an example of what can happen, parents need to be alert.

About.com, in the article entitled “Stress Relief and Kids: How To Make Stress Relief Part of Your Kids' Lives” suggests that parents can help their children to relieve their stress.

Initially, it is important that parents understand that their children are experiencing symptoms that have resulted from their parental stress. Improving parent-child communication is just the first step to repairing damaged relationships and restoring home life to normal.

How to Deal With a Child Who Steals: You Caught Your Child Stealing

You caught your child stealing. Perhaps this is not the first time. One of a parent’s worst nightmares can be that of learning that his or her child steals. This can happen at any time, in any home, school or community setting.

In reality, few people go through life without stealing something. When someone states that he or she has never stolen anything, that person is not being honest with him or herself, or others. Maybe he or she actually thinks that taking something that belongs to someone else in certain situations, is not really stealing.

For example, when did you last steal a kiss?

“EW56Bhttp://www.kellybear.com/TeacherArticles/TeacherTip65.htmlWH6PDChildren Who Steal, Z6EFP” an article by Leah Davies, M. Ed., suggests there is a certain period of time when a child begins to comprehend the concept of stealing.

“A child’s true understanding of the concept of stealing usually occurs between the ages of five and seven.”

The word steal implies a person is taking something that does not belong to him or her, without having obtained the other person’s permission first. Part of the difficulty with being a child is that of being self-centered or self-oriented. A child is exploring his or her world, trying to learn what that he or she can or cannot do.

For example, a child watches his or her parents or siblings steal cookies from a plate and sees it as something that he or she can do, too. It can be a fun thing for everyone, especially when the cookies are fresh out of the oven. This puts stealing in a positive light.

Parents may steal from their children thinking nothing of it, even though the child is aware of it. 

For example, a parent steals a child’s Halloween treats. The child may or may not know that it is wrong for the parent to steal his or her candy. He or she may sense it is wrong, but since it is a parent loved by the child, what happens does not really matter. 

Often what happens in done in fun and is rewarded in some way.

Are parents teaching their children to steal with positive re-enforcement? That is a frightening thought. In reality, it does matter because a child is going through a continual, learning process. He or she is learning the difference between right and wrong. and thus, must learn not to steal because stealing is socially unacceptable as a behavior. In other words, a child learns by example, so the first thing that parents need to do to deal with a child that steals is to set an example by not stealing. That may not always be easy to do. A child who watches a parent steal will also steal.

The word no is important when it comes to a child who steals. 

He or she needs to learn that when a parent says no, he or she means it. In other words, a child tries to steal a toy from another child and the parent says no. The child puts it down or gives it back in response to appropriate parental directives.

Honesty and integrity are things learned by children, at an early age. 

For example, a parent watches his or her young child steal another child’s tricycle. The parent confronts the child. “Did you steal that other child’s tricycle?” he or she asks. The child learns to tell the truth to his or her parents. The child also learns that it is wrong to steal another child’s tricycle and that he or she can confide in his or her parents, without fear of punishment. Repeated offences as the child grows older, may include punishment of some kind, like the loss of privileges.

Retribution is another thing that children need to learn. Retribution can include reward or punishment. 

For example, an older child may need a reward of some kind, from his or her parents for telling the truth and returning the bicycle that he or she stole. At the same time, he or she needs to know that what he or she did was not right and that repetitive behavior of the same kind or similar to it, is not appropriate in the future.

A child must learn that there are consequences that follow stealing.

For example. an older child steals something in a store. The parent or parents can help that child to return the item or items, with them present and offer an appropriate apology. It may be embarrassing for the parents, but it is important for a child to learn how to rectify something that he or she has done wrong.

Peer pressure is often a cause for older children to steal.

For example, older children break into people’s homes and vehicles to steal anything that they can find, often submitting to the challenges of peer pressure. They learn that people call the police with respect to theft. These kinds of incidents tend to include parental involvement, severe reprimands and court action.

Children of all ages are fascinated by things, collecting them and hiding them wherever.

For example, if a parent discovers a child’s cache of stolen treasures, it may be time for their parents to confront him or her about where he or she obtained them. A good talking to about the seriousness of theft, may be in order and resolve the problem of stealing immediately.

Kleptomania must be resolved. 

For example, when a child habitually takes or steals anything that he or she sees that fascinates him or her, kleptomania develops over time. Often a child tending towards kleptomania has other, more serious problems that need to be resolved..  

In childhood, patterns of good and bad behavior develop over time. 

Bad habits can be formed and broken early in life, if the parent or parents are aware of what is happening with their child. Establishing good parent-child communication early in life and maintaining it as the child grows older, is one of the best ways to deal with stealing.

Remember that there is always forgiveness, too. 

A child can often learn as much, if not more from forgiveness, than from punishment. Seeking medical guidance including child and family counseling or advice from their teachers, may prove beneficial to everyone in a family, if there is a child who steals.

First Indications Your Child is Having Problems at School

Are there indications that your child is having problems at school?  Parents can sometimes determine where the problem lies, but not always. At times, it becomes necessary to consult the child’s teacher, doctor, school counselor or a psychologist for appropriate advice. 

Taking a concerned-parent, pro-active stand towards resolving your child’s problems at school is often a good idea, although sometimes problems can resolve themselves.

YoungMinds.org.uk suggests that there are times when your child may be bored at school.

Look at the early indications that your child is having problems at school and see how they can be resolved effectively.

An unhappy child:

School is fun for most children, particularly when there are special events taking place. If your child likes and enjoys school as most children do, he or she will appear happy, excited and full of enthusiasm with respect to going to school, as well as with respect to planning for and attending special events.

When a child initially begins to experience problems at school, he or she may no longer have the same, happy attitude towards school or special events. He or she will probably come across as being an unhappy child. Trying to find out why a child is unhappy is not always easy for parents. The child may not even know or understand why he or she is unhappy. Tender love and care can go a long way towards dealing with the fragile emotions of a child.

Bouts of crying:

When a child has frequent bouts of crying related to attending school, it usually indicates that he or she is not feeling well or is unhappy about something at school. Initially, it may be difficult to pinpoint the source of the problem. The child’s unhappiness may be expressed when he or she states, “I hate school.”

If you are patient, your child may tell you what the problem is. Asking him or her why he or she hates school is a good idea. Encouraging your child to tell you where the problem lies will help everyone to deal with it, as it opens channels of effective communication.

Changes in behavior:

If your child will not talk about the problem at school or give you a reason for hating or not wanting to attend school, there may be changes in his or her behavior. Has your child’s behavior changed with respect to school or has his or her behavior recently changed at school?

Most children have normal, relatively predictable, behavior patterns with respect to school. Parents may have difficulty understanding their child’s unexpected behavior, particularly when it changes suddenly.

Health related issues:

When your child does not want to go to school, it is often difficult to determine whether the change in behavior has to do with him or her coming down with a cold, an earache or the flu. He or she may refuse to get out of bed, with the excuse of not feeling well or state, “I have a headache or a stomach ache.”

Does the child appear well? Is he or she cranky or flushed? Does he or she have a fever? Is he or she eating and sleeping normally? In other words, are the symptoms real?

A visit to the child’s doctor may be in order, if he or she presents legitimate medical symptoms. Further investigation may be necessary to resolve the problem if the symptoms are not legitimate.

Fighting with other children:

A child who is having inter-personal relationship problems at school may be fighting with other children, over what appears to be minor issues. He or she may also be fighting and arguing with siblings at home, as well. Having a heart-to-heart talk with the child may be indicated.

Familial concerns:

Are there familial problems? Most children are sensitive to marital issues and have adverse behavior changes, when the parents are having relationship or financial problems. Single parent families have a multiplicity of issues that worry children. When a child knows that he or she is loved, many familial concerns disappear.

Bullying:

Has your child suddenly become a bully or the victim of a bully, at school? Investigation into this aspect of your child’s behavior, as well as his or her response to the bullying of others, is a good idea.

Most children do not need to bully other children. Bullying by other children indicates the need for protection of your child. Ask your child “Is someone bullying you at school?”

Explaining what bullying is to your child, as well as how to deal with it, may solve the problem. “You can tell me about it.” The child may need to go to his or her teacher or principal, while at school. As a parent, you might need to make a visit to the school and see what is actually happening.   

Temper tantrums:

A child who is having problems at school may have temper tantrums for what appears to be unknown reasons. He or she may lie on the floor and scream something like. “My teacher hates me.”

There are times when teachers are hard on certain children in terms of their schoolwork. At other times, there are disciplinary problems or there is inappropriate behavior in which the child may or may not be involved. This can make a child not want to attend school. When a child is not able to complete his or her assigned tasks at school, temper tantrums can occur.

Refusing to go to school:

A child may refuse to get out of bed, get dressed or eat breakfast giving an indication there is a problem at school. He or she may refuse to catch the bus. “I am not going to go back to school,” he or she may state. “I quit.”

In instances like this, it is important to attempt to find the root of the problem and resolve it immediately. Having a talk with the child’s teacher on a regular basis may prove beneficial.

Be aware that every child has problems at school, at one time or another. Being there for your child is important. Most problems can be resolved effectively when the doors of communication are open.                 

Tips for Teaching Your Preteen Responsibility

Assuming preteen responsibility comes naturally to some children, as they become preteens. With other children, pre-teen responsibility is something that they learn by example from others or through what they read.  Parents, other family members and teachers, teach children who soon become preteens, how to be responsible in terms of being true to themselves, part of their own families and communities, as well as the world. 

Consider the following tips for teaching your preteen responsibility. 

The freedictionary.com suggests that responsibility has three main implications, “the state or position of being responsible, a person or thing for which one is responsible and the ability or authority to act or decide on one's own, without supervision”.

Look at these more closely.

The state or position of being responsible:

Many parents are aware that some, but not necessarily all of their children, appear to be relatively responsible in spite of their age. These children tend to make responsible decisions and act in a responsible manner, even though they can still be quite young. True to their own natures, they tend to become responsible preteens, too. This is not stating that they do not ever err, as everyone does at one time or another.

For example, one preteen may say, “I am a responsible member of our family, no longer a child.” He or she then behaves in a responsible manner, regardless of where he or she is or what he or she does. This is often a reflection of or the role modeling of a parent, an older sibling or another role model.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

Other children become preteens, but never really become responsible preteens, probably because they have had different upbringings. This preteen might suggest, “I can do as I please” and proceeds to do so. He or she is self-oriented and quite selfish by nature. This is stating that this preteen probably got away with whatever he or she did as a child and that he or she intends to continue that kind of behavior and lifestyle, perhaps indefinitely.

The non-responsible preteen has no intention of ever growing up or acting in a responsible manner. He or she may never assume a responsible teenager or adult stand in life, either. “I don’t have to grow up!” he or she may insist. This preteen is heading for serious problems, both as a teenager and an adult.  

The people or things for which preteens are responsible:

Preteens can begin to take responsibility for their own toys and other personal belongings, as well as those of others in their families. For example, a preteen can assume the responsibility for taking care of his or her bicycle. This preteen can also help his or her siblings take care of theirs, too.

Preteens can begin to assume some responsibility for the care of their younger siblings and other children under appropriate adult supervision and should be encouraged to do so. For example, a preteen can take care of a small brother or sister, while his or her mother works in the garden, nearby. He or she is a natural born helper or has been taught to be a helper.  

An irresponsible preteen would probably refuse to do anything to help anyone or perhaps not be able to do so, because he or she has never learned or been taught how. He or she may forget about the child who he or she should be taking care of and do something else that seems more exciting or interesting instead.  

The ability or authority to act or decide on one’s own without supervision:

The decision-making process is important throughout one’s life, including childhood years and the preteen era. Learning how to make decisions comes through trial and error to some extent for everyone. The same is true for preteens. Decision-making continues throughout one’s life.

Initially, parents and family members, as well as teachers are usually present to guide preteens in the decision-making process, as well as to help them learn how to make decisions correctly, without experiencing adverse consequences.

How preteens tend to act or what they do, often depends on how well they can make decisions. Have they learned how to make appropriate decisions? Maybe yes, but sometimes, no.

At some point in time, it is up to the preteen to make his or her decisions alone, without the guidance of teachers, other family members, friends or parents. Often peer pressure becomes a factor in the decision-making process. At times, this can be good, but not always.          

For example, a responsible preteen would be able to make the appropriate decision about his or her school attendance, regardless of any peer pressure in the opposite direction, while a non-responsible preteen would not. He or she would intentionally stay away from school, spend time alone or perhaps with his or her peers, or neglect to do his or her homework and thus, have to suffer the consequences.

The parent-teacher role model:

One cannot emphasize the parent-teacher model too much, when it comes to teaching preteens responsibility. Both the parent and teacher role model and active participation on their part with preteens as part of their education and development, is important in order for preteens to be able to become responsible teenagers and then responsible adults. Being aware of the importance of being responsible for preteens is part of their role, but ultimately the decision to be responsible is one made by the preteen and reflects upon his or her own nature, education, level of development and upbringing.      

Tips for Teaching Preteens Time Management Skills

Do preteens really need time management skills? You bet they do, especially as they learn to write! Time consciousness is vital to human survival and thus, developing time management skills is important for everyone from children to preteens, as well as from teens to adults.

Addressing the issue of time management initially with children helps them to comprehend it better, when they become preteens.

The article, “The instant guide to time management for kids” suggests that being “time challenged” is a reality.

How can you teach your preteen better time management skills?

There are many ways to do this. Time awareness is important, but everyone has exactly the same number of hours, minutes and seconds in a day. What becomes important is how that time is used.

Consider the following tips.

Allocation of time:

Learning how to allocate a certain amount of time during each twenty-four hour period helps preteens to learn, build and develop effective, time management skills. This can go further, when a certain amount of time from each week or month is set aside for specific projects like writing, sports or school assignments. It can also help preteens maintain a good schedule with respect to a healthy, happy lifestyle.

  

Instinctive time management skills:

Not everyone learns effective time management skills as a child. Some children and preteens have an instinctive, excellent sense of time management, but not all of them.

How their parents instinctively spend or waste their own time can be a determining factor in their preteen’s time management skills, as preteens learn by example. In other words, if their parents know how to manage their time effectively, then the likelihood is that their preteens will learn how to manage their time effectively, as well. The reverse is also true.

The necessity of time management skills:

Why is it so important for preteens to learn time management? Unless preteens obtain those skills then or later as teenagers, when they become adults, they will not have effective, time management skills. The next generation may inherit the same kind of time management problems, which in turn may affect their lives, including their relationships with others, as well as their ongoing education and employment.

Understanding preteen’s differences in time management skills:

Each preteen is different when it comes to his or her basic, time management skills. Some preteens are better at it. For example, a preteen who practices time management skills will be familiar with an alarm clock and know how to set it. He or she will get up and go to school on time. A preteen who does not practice good time management skills will not have or use an alarm clock and may be habitually late for school. Learning how to be on time is important.

Teaching the significance of seconds, minutes and hours:

Teaching preteens the significance and value of time is important. While early time management skills obtained at home or in school can prove beneficial, there can be over-rigidness with respect to time management skills in the preteen years that can prove to be detrimental to them, later on. Remember that preteens, as well as others, still need unstructured time, as well as structured time. 

Reward and punishment:

Reward and punishment for effective, time management can prove helpful. Sometimes, gifts for preteens like watches, makes preteens more time conscious. It does not take long for a preteen to understand that being time conscious, can be its own best reward. Toys and games that involve time management can also teach preteens the importance of time. Computer games and projects can teach skills that enhance time management skills.    

In conclusion, one must suggest that as parents, teaching preteens time management skills may take some time, but it will prove beneficial to everyone in time.