How Parental Stress Harms Children: Parental Stress Can Affect Children Adversely

Understanding how children react to parental stress is not always easy. Ideally, parents try to protect their children often not realizing how their parental stress harms their children. Many times, children manifest stress-related symptoms, but their parents do not know why. Their stress may be associated with misunderstandings between parents and their children.

When parents are having difficulty coping with their own interpersonal relationship, other serious concerns like unemployment or global, economic problems, their children do not always know where the actual problem lies, but they are sensitive to the resulting parental stress and tend to react to it in different ways. 

Look at a fictional case study showing how parental stress can affect children.

Miranda, a bright and happy six-year old, overhears part of her father’s heated conversation with her mother. 

He states emphatically. “We cannot afford to have any more children. In fact, we cannot afford to feed the ones we already have.” 

Over the next few weeks, Miranda becomes increasingly despondent and begins to lose weight. She is not accustomed to her parents arguing. She picks at her food and has what her mother refers to as temper tantrums.

“I am not hungry,” she yells at her mother, as she pushes her food away.

Later, Mercury, her seven-year old sister, overhears part of another conversation between their parents.

“Who will take the children when we leave?” their mother asks her husband, who is currently unemployed. They are talking about moving to another town in the near future, where there is a higher likelihood of employment for both of them. “They have to live with someone.”

“Miranda, we need to find someone to take care of us and another place to live,” Mercury tells her younger sister, later that evening. “Mom and dad are leaving.”

Miranda is even more devastated, but together, they quietly agree to find someone who will take them in.

“Maybe our new neighbors can adopt us,” Miranda says, finally. “If only you didn’t eat so much!” she yells at Mercury, who is quite chubby. 

No one knows why the girls are arguing at bedtime. Mercury decides to go on a diet.

Douglas, their eight-year old brother, suspects that something is wrong at home and begins to question the girls. He is shocked at what they tell him.

“I know mom and dad don’t have any money, but they would never let us go hungry or leave us,” he reassures them. “I will take care of you, if they do leave.”

Douglas puts his bicycle and a number of his childhood toys on the front lawn and places a for sale sign on them. He earns fifty dollars which he hides, just in case of an emergency. He starts stealing and stockpiling things that he can sell, if necessary.

“I didn’t make any money,” he lies to his mother and then, over the next few weeks, begins to experience nightmares.

“I am too young to be a father,” he tells himself, but at the same time, he adopts a more responsible, father-like attitude towards his younger sisters. He begins to fight with his older brother, Bradley, who by nature is relatively irresponsible.    

Several days later, Bradley, after overhearing a heated conversation between his parents about rising rates of unemployment and the declining global economy, hands his father paper work from high school.

“I am fourteen, quitting school and getting a job.” 

His father refuses to sign the papers.

“No, you are not quitting school. You are not old enough.”

This is the first of many, angry confrontations Bradley has with his father, as he becomes increasingly antagonistic towards him.

“You cannot support us,” he accuses his father, who is too embarrassed about his unemployment status to respond.

Bradley begins to hang around with a group of older boys, every evening. They are smoking, drinking and trafficking in marijuana. Bradley sees it as a way of earning some money, even though he knows it is wrong.  

While children do not understand everything that is happening in family situations, they are sensitive enough to parental problems and their related stress to begin to look for what they see as possible answers of their own. The solutions they come up with are not always good, but sometimes they are amazing.

“Mom, Miranda and I are old enough to do the housework, if you want to look for a job,” Mercury tells her mother. “We can take care of ourselves now. We understand, Mom.”

Not all of the solutions the children come up with are negative in nature, as children can be positive and constructive with respect to problem resolution, too. These four children are smart enough to know that the parental stress is financial in nature.

“You can use the money from my piggy bank for the bus,” suggests Miranda. “I talked to Mrs. Ogilvie. She says that will look after us, if we get sick and have to stay home from school.”       

At school, the children’s marks are dropping and their teachers are becoming increasingly concerned, as they are all having recurrent relationship problems with the children. The principal threatens to expel Bradley, after he is caught smoking marijuana in the schoolyard. He is bullying younger children in an attempt to get them to try marijuana.       

A second parent-teacher meeting takes place, after Miranda confides her concerns to her teacher.

“Do you want child and family services to assist you?” she asks Miranda’s mother.

The children’s parents are shocked to find out what their children think is happening and realize that their parental stress with respect to their financial matters, has changed their entire family life and hurt their children, as well.       

While this is only an example of what can happen, parents need to be alert.

About.com, in the article entitled “Stress Relief and Kids: How To Make Stress Relief Part of Your Kids' Lives” suggests that parents can help their children to relieve their stress.

Initially, it is important that parents understand that their children are experiencing symptoms that have resulted from their parental stress. Improving parent-child communication is just the first step to repairing damaged relationships and restoring home life to normal.