Are Elves Real?

Elves, gnomes and trolls: Fun, fact, folklore and fantasy

Scandinavian folklore reveals some clues about elves in its Father Christmas tradition. Interestingly, elves have been called gnomes, trolls, fairies or even cannibals, over the course of history. (1)

In the western world of fun, fact and fantasy, elves are present in the Santa Claus tradition. (Don't try to tell an elf that he or she is not real, particularly one of Santa's Christmas elves. How would you like to be told that you are not real, especially when you have been working to help Santa make and distribute gifts to children, all over the world? Telling Santa that his elves are not real, might result in an unexpected surprise in your Christmas stocking, like a lump of coal, or a carrot!)

What about elves, gnomes, trolls, fairies and cannibals? Are any of them real, other than in the world of fiction?

Compare these definitions:

Elf:

A small, often mischievous fairy
A small lively creature, especially a mischievous child
A lively mischievous or malicious person

Gnome:

An ageless and often deformed dwarf of folk lore, who lives in the earth and guards precious ores or treasures
An elemental being in the theory of Paraclesus that inhabits earth

Troll:

A dwarf of giant in Teutonic folklore inhabiting caves and hills
A demon

Fairy:

A mythical being of folk lore and romance, usually having diminutive human form and human powers

Cannibal:
One that eats flesh of its own kind (2)

It would appear that whether an elf is considered to be real or not, has more to do with one's perception. 

Note that some of these definitions allow room for an elf to be a person and positive, while others are quite negative.

Consider more Scandinavian folklore.

Historically, Scandinavian gnomes surfaced in the pagan tradition to guard the homes of their benefactors. They were either good or bad, depending upon how they were treated. Some people considered them to be trolls or cannibals.

By the mid 1800's, gnomes were regarded as mischievous fairies, who helped Father Christmas and they are the ones who came to be known as the Christmas elves. They are documented in the writings of Thile, Toplius and Rydberg and the artwork of Hansen and Nystrm. (3)
In the western tradition, the Christmas elves live at the North Pole, with Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus and their reindeer.

In the year 1925, the Scandinavians supposedly discovered that there were no reindeer at the North Pole, but they knew that there were reindeer in Lapland, Finland. The hidden village in which the elves lived, was situated in the Korvatunturi Mountain, located in the Savukoski county of Lapland, near the Finnish-Russian border. The elves traditionally celebrate January sixth as the last day of Christmas and come out their mountain village to play in a field. The rest of the time, they help Father Christmas to design and create toys for children. (4)

The western world's Christmas tradition holds to the fantasy that Santa Claus lives at the North Pole with Mrs. Santa Claus, the elves and their reindeer. Their task is the same. It would appear to be bit of a mixture of eastern and western folklore, to some extent. There is the reality that people perceive others, who may be different, in a way that may cause them to be mocked, ridiculed or made fun of, at times. Some people will introduce an element of humor to this. Fun, fact, folklore and fantasy will continue from generation to generation, but the ultimate, ideal perception is love.

The existence of elves remains somewhat of a mystery, unless one takes into consideration the reality that definitions of elves can include children and adults. In this case, one would have to suggest that elves can be real, at least in a person's imagination.

(1) http://www.didyouknow.cd/xmas/xmaselves.htm

(2) Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary, Merriam-Webster Inc. Springfield, MA, 1983 

(3) http://www.didyouknow.cd/xmas/xmaselves.htm

(4) Ibid.

Creative Ways to Send Letters to Santa Claus

A Christmas letter to Santa Claus, posted on a child's blog

Dear Santa Claus,

How are you and Mrs. Santa?

This year, I am posting my Christmas letter to you, on my blog. My best friend, Kristina, is doing the same thing too. When we asked our teacher, Mrs. Marcy, about whether or not we could do that, she said that we were both old enough to write blogs and that as far as she knew, you always read children's blogs.

I hope that this gets to you, as it is almost the end of November now and Christmas is coming really fast. 

This must be the busiest time of the year for you and all of your elves. You have so much work to do! I don't know how you have time to read all of the letters. I sure hope Mrs. Santa helps you.

I guess she must be a good helper or you would have gotten a divorce by now, like my mom and dad did last year. I am hoping that it was not my fault, but I think it might be, because I heard them fighting over me, one night and then, my mom went away and never came back.

I always thought I would like to be your helper, but now I am not so sure. You might fire me. I think that my dad must have fired my mom, because she did not help him enough.

It must be really cold up there at the North Pole. I hope you have warm mitts and boots.

I write to you every year, Santa, because I know that you hear what I write, even if I cannot talk to you in person. I guess I could, if I asked my dad to take me to the mall. I know you are there, every Saturday morning. But, he might think that I am not very happy with him, so I had better not do that. He might get jealous too, because you are a man. Dads are funny that way, sometimes.

Anyhow, I am getting too big to sit on your knee now, as I am going to be ten, in a few days. I still sit on my dad's knees sometimes, when he is in a good mood.

I wonder if anyone will remember my birthday, this year. Last year, everyone forgot it. I think they all must be getting Alzheimer’s. It seems like everyone gets that nowadays, even kids. That must be some new kind of flu. Is it contagious? I wonder if there is a shot that one can get for it.

This is the way it goes at our house. If I forget to pick up my clothes, I get hollered at. I guess that is not so bad. I am starting to get used to it, but I don't like getting yelled at by my dad.

Maybe he has Alzheimers now too, because he forgets to make his bed, when he gets up. Sometimes, he even forgets to make his lunch and then, I have to take it to where he works. Maybe he does it on purpose, so that he gets to see me in the daytime! Perhaps he is lonesome. He must be, with my mom not being here now.

When I grow up, I really want to be an astronaut. Do you think that is what I should do with my life? I kind of need some expert advice on this. I think that you would know if that was a good occupation for a girl to pursue. A space station is about as far away from this world as anyone can get. Don't take me wrong. I am not unhappy, but sometimes life does not seem fair for kids.

For Christmas, I am not really asking for a lot, but I need some girl's clothes. I hate having to wear boy's t-shirts to school, all the time. My dad does not seem to be too with it, that way. I guess that does not matter too much, but my friend Kristina, always wears girls clothes.

Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. He takes good care of me, but girls are girls and he is a guy. He likes to make me look like a tomboy. Maybe that is because he wanted a boy and not a girl?

I really am a bit old for dolls now, but I do like girl's computer games. Even one would be just fine. I know that money is really tight everywhere, this year. You have to come up with so many toys, I will understand if you can't bring me one.

Santa, if you are not able to do that, but you can get my mom and dad back together over Christmas, that would work for me, too. Things are just so different, now that they are apart. Secretly, I think that they might want to get back together, but maybe they are afraid to try again.

I get tired of doing the dishes, all of the time. My dad does not do dishes. He says that is girl stuff. Maybe that is why my mom did not stay? Do you think that she got tired of doing dishes, too?

My dog Trix, needs a new collar, Santa. If you don't have one for her, maybe I can make one for her. She is such a good dog!

My dad really needs a present too, but I am not sure that he deserves one, this year. I guess everyone should have a present, even if they have not been 100% good all year. His wallet is starting to fall apart.

If you know where my mom is, could she have a present too? She always liked big hats.

Maybe you could tell her that I still love her, even though she went away. Please do that for me.

Well, Santa, that is all I am going to ask you for, this year. Give Rudolph an extra lump of sugar, for me. I will make some chocolate cookies for you and leave them on the table. There will be a glass of cold milk there for you, too.

Your friend,

Samantha

P.S. Could Kristina, have a girl's computer game, too? Then, we could trade back and forth. I put her picture on my blog yesterday. If you want to take a look at it, I am the one wearing the baseball cap and the jean jacket.

Essential Elements to Consider When Writing Children's Stories

The life factor: Making your character come alive in a children’s story

"He is real!" a child might say. "He is alive!" another child might respond. 

Pierre, the Partridge, does not exist yet, but he could be brought in to existence in the mind of a child, if the essential elements are present when a children's author writes a story about him.

"I love him!" should be a child's ultimate response to the story.

Fantasy, fun and fiction are three of the many elements to consider, when writing a children's story, about Pierre the Partridge. Beyond that, there is the element of life depicted by action and adventure. Ask yourself this question.

"Is he magical?"

"Is he wonderful?"

What will bring Pierre the Partridge to life, in the mind of a child? In other words, what will make him seem to be alive?

Children have such amazing, vivid imaginations. They are playful, always busy and full of life's energy. That is why they relate to the life factor in stories they read.

Consider the following possibilities with regard to using this line in the introduction to a children's story.

Pierre the Partridge was waiting in line, at the soup factory.

How would you respond to that line? Perhaps this line might be more inviting? A hook will entice a child reader to read on.

"I am really hungry!" said Pierre the Partridge to his friend, as they stood in line at the soup factory.

Which one would you relate to better, if you were the child who was reading the story?

The first line may not have any meaning or significance, to a child who does not relate to the concept of a soup factory. The second line brings the story to life and makes it alive to the child reader. What child is there who cannot relate to being hungry? It does not matter what a soup factory is, at this point.

"What is Pierre the Partridge doing at the soup factory?" an astute child might ask.

You may have already lost your child reader, if you used the first line in the introduction. If that happens, it does not matter what you write beyond that. The child may not read the story. You have probably caught his or her attention, if you used the second line.

Now write the next line in the story.

"I wonder what's on the menu today."

"Pierre, this is not a place where you get a free lunch!"

If your child reader does not know what a menu is, the first line will have little or no meaning to him or her. 

Immediate action brings the second line to life. Lunch is a word that every child can relate to and it ties into the beginning of the story, if you used the second line there initially.

Now add another line in the story.

"I don't know," said Pierre, patiently.

Pierre shook with fear, as his friend whispered, "We have to get out of here because we are the lunch!"

Here, the child would be bored with the first line. He or she might decide to move on or find something else to read. The second line puts life, emotion and action into the story. An emotional trigger brings a story to life. A sense of urgency excites the child reader to read on.

So read on, children's story critic.

"I am getting tired of waiting."

"Pierre, you have to fly away as fast as you can, right now!"

The first line might put your child to sleep, but that may not be what you wanted to see happening, particularly if your child is learning to read. The second line opens up definitive action. Children can relate to birds flying away, when they are frightened by something.

"Is it going to be much longer?"

"Fly to the pear tree!"

The first line is like waiting for the story to restart. The second line gives a distinct directive to the main character. It tells Pierre the Partridge exactly what to do, without revealing the identity of the second character. This line depicts a live voice with a positive, authoritative, escape plan for Pierre the Partridge. 

Children can relate to directions and to birds escaping or being rescued, in some way.

"The line is finally starting to move."

"Goodbye, I am really going to miss you, Timothy the Turkey."

Here the first line begins the story. The second line could depict the end of the story. That is the difference.

Meanwhile, the child reader is left to decide what happened or will happen to Timothy the Turkey. He or she will recognize the reality that Pierre the Partridge is probably safe in the pear tree.

"A Partridge in a Pear Tree" Does that title sound familiar to you? Maybe Pierre the Partridge goes back to rescue Timothy the Turkey, from the soup line, later? Who knows?

Did Pierre the Partridge, come alive in this children's story for you? His story has the essential elements needed to interest the child-reader-in-you, too. He will come alive for your child, as long as the story that you tell him or her follows the second line, all the way through. Put it all together.

Pierre the Partridge

"I am really hungry!" said Pierre the Partridge to his friend, as he stood in line at the soup factory.

"Pierre, this is not a place where you get a free lunch!"

Pierre shook with fear, as his friend whispered, "We have to get out of here because we are the lunch!"

"Pierre, you have to fly away as fast as you can, right now!"

"Fly to the pear tree!"

"Goodbye, I am really going to miss you, Timothy the Turkey."

Tips for Teaching Children How to Budget: Wants Versus Needs

In the learning process, many children struggle trying to understand hundreds of new words and related concepts. The word budget is not one that most parents teach children very early in life, as they receive most of what they need and want from their parents, as well as from others and thus, are not involved in family budgeting, to any extent. They could and should be.

Older children, teens and adults, once taught budgeting basics, begin to manage their money more effectively. Even young children need to understand the significance of a budget.

Needs versus wants:

Simplified for younger children, budgeting becomes a question of needs versus wants, which can be taught from an early age onward. 

For example, Teddy, a five year old, screams at his parents, demanding that they purchase a truck he has found on a shelf, in the toy store. 

“I want that truck!”

“You want it, but you don’t need it,” replies his mother, teaching him to manage money effectively, by learning the difference between his needs and wants.

“Teddy, you don’t really need another truck, as you have several already. Perhaps your father and I can put it on the list of things that you want for Christmas. Together, we may be able to work it out on our family budget.”

The word budget is now part of a five year his vocabulary, even if he does not fully understand.

Learn to say no:

“But I want it!” insists Teddy. “Buy it for me, now!”

Maybe that approach has worked for him before, but not this time. Saying no is often hard to do with small children, but it is important, as they need to understand what no means. 

Set allowance guidelines:

Even a young child can learn about budgeting by receiving and spending his money, within the guidelines of an allotted weekly allowance.

“How about if we put away a quarter from your allowance every week and save up for your truck?” 

“But, I need my allowance for candy,” Teddy argues.

Finding sufficient income to meet basic needs is not always easy for parents. Giving in to the demands made by their children may not necessarily be the best solution either. It is merely temporary pacification, which can lead to later demands of the same nature.

“We have some Halloween candy in the cupboard,” states his mother. That simply means no, stated differently.

Talk about budgeting:

“We will talk about buying that truck you want when we get home,” suggests Teddy’s mother.

Now, Teddy’s mother has opened the door for further dialogue about budgeting with her son. Dialogue is important, as Teddy may still not understand the difference between what he wants and what he needs.

Does he really need candy?

“If you are on your best behavior, you may have a chocolate bar tonight.”

Maybe candy should be a special treat or a reward.    

Draw up a tentative budget together:

“I have ten dollars in my piggy bank,” boasts Teddy.

“Two more dollars and you will have enough to buy that truck,” replies his mother.

“But then I won’t have any money in my piggy bank.”

Write everything down:

“You are going to need a new winter jacket,” says Teddy’s mother, taking a notebook and making a notation about how much money he has in his piggy bank, the cost of the truck and the need for a jacket. 

“Put this in the drawer where you keep your allowance.” 

Teddy’s mother is working out a simplified, long-term solution with him, letting him start to assume some responsibility for it. Teddy will begin to understand that on a budget, money is necessary for things he needs. Not every cent he has can go for the fun things that he wants. 

Bargaining:

Children soon learn how to bargain with their parents.

“If you and daddy pay for my jacket, then I can buy that truck,” suggests Teddy, who has already forgotten about the candy. His mother has not, but she is not going to reward him for his earlier, bad behavior.

Reaching a compromise is often a good idea, as children see that it is possible to discuss and resolve budget issues with their parents. 

“One quarter a week, though,” insists his mother, smiling, knowing that her son is now able to bargain with her. 

“It’s a deal.”

“Let’s go home and get that chocolate bar, I promised you.”

How Parental Stress Harms Children: Parental Stress Can Affect Children Adversely

Understanding how children react to parental stress is not always easy. Ideally, parents try to protect their children often not realizing how their parental stress harms their children. Many times, children manifest stress-related symptoms, but their parents do not know why. Their stress may be associated with misunderstandings between parents and their children.

When parents are having difficulty coping with their own interpersonal relationship, other serious concerns like unemployment or global, economic problems, their children do not always know where the actual problem lies, but they are sensitive to the resulting parental stress and tend to react to it in different ways. 

Look at a fictional case study showing how parental stress can affect children.

Miranda, a bright and happy six-year old, overhears part of her father’s heated conversation with her mother. 

He states emphatically. “We cannot afford to have any more children. In fact, we cannot afford to feed the ones we already have.” 

Over the next few weeks, Miranda becomes increasingly despondent and begins to lose weight. She is not accustomed to her parents arguing. She picks at her food and has what her mother refers to as temper tantrums.

“I am not hungry,” she yells at her mother, as she pushes her food away.

Later, Mercury, her seven-year old sister, overhears part of another conversation between their parents.

“Who will take the children when we leave?” their mother asks her husband, who is currently unemployed. They are talking about moving to another town in the near future, where there is a higher likelihood of employment for both of them. “They have to live with someone.”

“Miranda, we need to find someone to take care of us and another place to live,” Mercury tells her younger sister, later that evening. “Mom and dad are leaving.”

Miranda is even more devastated, but together, they quietly agree to find someone who will take them in.

“Maybe our new neighbors can adopt us,” Miranda says, finally. “If only you didn’t eat so much!” she yells at Mercury, who is quite chubby. 

No one knows why the girls are arguing at bedtime. Mercury decides to go on a diet.

Douglas, their eight-year old brother, suspects that something is wrong at home and begins to question the girls. He is shocked at what they tell him.

“I know mom and dad don’t have any money, but they would never let us go hungry or leave us,” he reassures them. “I will take care of you, if they do leave.”

Douglas puts his bicycle and a number of his childhood toys on the front lawn and places a for sale sign on them. He earns fifty dollars which he hides, just in case of an emergency. He starts stealing and stockpiling things that he can sell, if necessary.

“I didn’t make any money,” he lies to his mother and then, over the next few weeks, begins to experience nightmares.

“I am too young to be a father,” he tells himself, but at the same time, he adopts a more responsible, father-like attitude towards his younger sisters. He begins to fight with his older brother, Bradley, who by nature is relatively irresponsible.    

Several days later, Bradley, after overhearing a heated conversation between his parents about rising rates of unemployment and the declining global economy, hands his father paper work from high school.

“I am fourteen, quitting school and getting a job.” 

His father refuses to sign the papers.

“No, you are not quitting school. You are not old enough.”

This is the first of many, angry confrontations Bradley has with his father, as he becomes increasingly antagonistic towards him.

“You cannot support us,” he accuses his father, who is too embarrassed about his unemployment status to respond.

Bradley begins to hang around with a group of older boys, every evening. They are smoking, drinking and trafficking in marijuana. Bradley sees it as a way of earning some money, even though he knows it is wrong.  

While children do not understand everything that is happening in family situations, they are sensitive enough to parental problems and their related stress to begin to look for what they see as possible answers of their own. The solutions they come up with are not always good, but sometimes they are amazing.

“Mom, Miranda and I are old enough to do the housework, if you want to look for a job,” Mercury tells her mother. “We can take care of ourselves now. We understand, Mom.”

Not all of the solutions the children come up with are negative in nature, as children can be positive and constructive with respect to problem resolution, too. These four children are smart enough to know that the parental stress is financial in nature.

“You can use the money from my piggy bank for the bus,” suggests Miranda. “I talked to Mrs. Ogilvie. She says that will look after us, if we get sick and have to stay home from school.”       

At school, the children’s marks are dropping and their teachers are becoming increasingly concerned, as they are all having recurrent relationship problems with the children. The principal threatens to expel Bradley, after he is caught smoking marijuana in the schoolyard. He is bullying younger children in an attempt to get them to try marijuana.       

A second parent-teacher meeting takes place, after Miranda confides her concerns to her teacher.

“Do you want child and family services to assist you?” she asks Miranda’s mother.

The children’s parents are shocked to find out what their children think is happening and realize that their parental stress with respect to their financial matters, has changed their entire family life and hurt their children, as well.       

While this is only an example of what can happen, parents need to be alert.

About.com, in the article entitled “Stress Relief and Kids: How To Make Stress Relief Part of Your Kids' Lives” suggests that parents can help their children to relieve their stress.

Initially, it is important that parents understand that their children are experiencing symptoms that have resulted from their parental stress. Improving parent-child communication is just the first step to repairing damaged relationships and restoring home life to normal.

How to Deal With a Child Who Steals: You Caught Your Child Stealing

You caught your child stealing. Perhaps this is not the first time. One of a parent’s worst nightmares can be that of learning that his or her child steals. This can happen at any time, in any home, school or community setting.

In reality, few people go through life without stealing something. When someone states that he or she has never stolen anything, that person is not being honest with him or herself, or others. Maybe he or she actually thinks that taking something that belongs to someone else in certain situations, is not really stealing.

For example, when did you last steal a kiss?

“EW56Bhttp://www.kellybear.com/TeacherArticles/TeacherTip65.htmlWH6PDChildren Who Steal, Z6EFP” an article by Leah Davies, M. Ed., suggests there is a certain period of time when a child begins to comprehend the concept of stealing.

“A child’s true understanding of the concept of stealing usually occurs between the ages of five and seven.”

The word steal implies a person is taking something that does not belong to him or her, without having obtained the other person’s permission first. Part of the difficulty with being a child is that of being self-centered or self-oriented. A child is exploring his or her world, trying to learn what that he or she can or cannot do.

For example, a child watches his or her parents or siblings steal cookies from a plate and sees it as something that he or she can do, too. It can be a fun thing for everyone, especially when the cookies are fresh out of the oven. This puts stealing in a positive light.

Parents may steal from their children thinking nothing of it, even though the child is aware of it. 

For example, a parent steals a child’s Halloween treats. The child may or may not know that it is wrong for the parent to steal his or her candy. He or she may sense it is wrong, but since it is a parent loved by the child, what happens does not really matter. 

Often what happens in done in fun and is rewarded in some way.

Are parents teaching their children to steal with positive re-enforcement? That is a frightening thought. In reality, it does matter because a child is going through a continual, learning process. He or she is learning the difference between right and wrong. and thus, must learn not to steal because stealing is socially unacceptable as a behavior. In other words, a child learns by example, so the first thing that parents need to do to deal with a child that steals is to set an example by not stealing. That may not always be easy to do. A child who watches a parent steal will also steal.

The word no is important when it comes to a child who steals. 

He or she needs to learn that when a parent says no, he or she means it. In other words, a child tries to steal a toy from another child and the parent says no. The child puts it down or gives it back in response to appropriate parental directives.

Honesty and integrity are things learned by children, at an early age. 

For example, a parent watches his or her young child steal another child’s tricycle. The parent confronts the child. “Did you steal that other child’s tricycle?” he or she asks. The child learns to tell the truth to his or her parents. The child also learns that it is wrong to steal another child’s tricycle and that he or she can confide in his or her parents, without fear of punishment. Repeated offences as the child grows older, may include punishment of some kind, like the loss of privileges.

Retribution is another thing that children need to learn. Retribution can include reward or punishment. 

For example, an older child may need a reward of some kind, from his or her parents for telling the truth and returning the bicycle that he or she stole. At the same time, he or she needs to know that what he or she did was not right and that repetitive behavior of the same kind or similar to it, is not appropriate in the future.

A child must learn that there are consequences that follow stealing.

For example. an older child steals something in a store. The parent or parents can help that child to return the item or items, with them present and offer an appropriate apology. It may be embarrassing for the parents, but it is important for a child to learn how to rectify something that he or she has done wrong.

Peer pressure is often a cause for older children to steal.

For example, older children break into people’s homes and vehicles to steal anything that they can find, often submitting to the challenges of peer pressure. They learn that people call the police with respect to theft. These kinds of incidents tend to include parental involvement, severe reprimands and court action.

Children of all ages are fascinated by things, collecting them and hiding them wherever.

For example, if a parent discovers a child’s cache of stolen treasures, it may be time for their parents to confront him or her about where he or she obtained them. A good talking to about the seriousness of theft, may be in order and resolve the problem of stealing immediately.

Kleptomania must be resolved. 

For example, when a child habitually takes or steals anything that he or she sees that fascinates him or her, kleptomania develops over time. Often a child tending towards kleptomania has other, more serious problems that need to be resolved..  

In childhood, patterns of good and bad behavior develop over time. 

Bad habits can be formed and broken early in life, if the parent or parents are aware of what is happening with their child. Establishing good parent-child communication early in life and maintaining it as the child grows older, is one of the best ways to deal with stealing.

Remember that there is always forgiveness, too. 

A child can often learn as much, if not more from forgiveness, than from punishment. Seeking medical guidance including child and family counseling or advice from their teachers, may prove beneficial to everyone in a family, if there is a child who steals.

First Indications Your Child is Having Problems at School

Are there indications that your child is having problems at school?  Parents can sometimes determine where the problem lies, but not always. At times, it becomes necessary to consult the child’s teacher, doctor, school counselor or a psychologist for appropriate advice. 

Taking a concerned-parent, pro-active stand towards resolving your child’s problems at school is often a good idea, although sometimes problems can resolve themselves.

YoungMinds.org.uk suggests that there are times when your child may be bored at school.

Look at the early indications that your child is having problems at school and see how they can be resolved effectively.

An unhappy child:

School is fun for most children, particularly when there are special events taking place. If your child likes and enjoys school as most children do, he or she will appear happy, excited and full of enthusiasm with respect to going to school, as well as with respect to planning for and attending special events.

When a child initially begins to experience problems at school, he or she may no longer have the same, happy attitude towards school or special events. He or she will probably come across as being an unhappy child. Trying to find out why a child is unhappy is not always easy for parents. The child may not even know or understand why he or she is unhappy. Tender love and care can go a long way towards dealing with the fragile emotions of a child.

Bouts of crying:

When a child has frequent bouts of crying related to attending school, it usually indicates that he or she is not feeling well or is unhappy about something at school. Initially, it may be difficult to pinpoint the source of the problem. The child’s unhappiness may be expressed when he or she states, “I hate school.”

If you are patient, your child may tell you what the problem is. Asking him or her why he or she hates school is a good idea. Encouraging your child to tell you where the problem lies will help everyone to deal with it, as it opens channels of effective communication.

Changes in behavior:

If your child will not talk about the problem at school or give you a reason for hating or not wanting to attend school, there may be changes in his or her behavior. Has your child’s behavior changed with respect to school or has his or her behavior recently changed at school?

Most children have normal, relatively predictable, behavior patterns with respect to school. Parents may have difficulty understanding their child’s unexpected behavior, particularly when it changes suddenly.

Health related issues:

When your child does not want to go to school, it is often difficult to determine whether the change in behavior has to do with him or her coming down with a cold, an earache or the flu. He or she may refuse to get out of bed, with the excuse of not feeling well or state, “I have a headache or a stomach ache.”

Does the child appear well? Is he or she cranky or flushed? Does he or she have a fever? Is he or she eating and sleeping normally? In other words, are the symptoms real?

A visit to the child’s doctor may be in order, if he or she presents legitimate medical symptoms. Further investigation may be necessary to resolve the problem if the symptoms are not legitimate.

Fighting with other children:

A child who is having inter-personal relationship problems at school may be fighting with other children, over what appears to be minor issues. He or she may also be fighting and arguing with siblings at home, as well. Having a heart-to-heart talk with the child may be indicated.

Familial concerns:

Are there familial problems? Most children are sensitive to marital issues and have adverse behavior changes, when the parents are having relationship or financial problems. Single parent families have a multiplicity of issues that worry children. When a child knows that he or she is loved, many familial concerns disappear.

Bullying:

Has your child suddenly become a bully or the victim of a bully, at school? Investigation into this aspect of your child’s behavior, as well as his or her response to the bullying of others, is a good idea.

Most children do not need to bully other children. Bullying by other children indicates the need for protection of your child. Ask your child “Is someone bullying you at school?”

Explaining what bullying is to your child, as well as how to deal with it, may solve the problem. “You can tell me about it.” The child may need to go to his or her teacher or principal, while at school. As a parent, you might need to make a visit to the school and see what is actually happening.   

Temper tantrums:

A child who is having problems at school may have temper tantrums for what appears to be unknown reasons. He or she may lie on the floor and scream something like. “My teacher hates me.”

There are times when teachers are hard on certain children in terms of their schoolwork. At other times, there are disciplinary problems or there is inappropriate behavior in which the child may or may not be involved. This can make a child not want to attend school. When a child is not able to complete his or her assigned tasks at school, temper tantrums can occur.

Refusing to go to school:

A child may refuse to get out of bed, get dressed or eat breakfast giving an indication there is a problem at school. He or she may refuse to catch the bus. “I am not going to go back to school,” he or she may state. “I quit.”

In instances like this, it is important to attempt to find the root of the problem and resolve it immediately. Having a talk with the child’s teacher on a regular basis may prove beneficial.

Be aware that every child has problems at school, at one time or another. Being there for your child is important. Most problems can be resolved effectively when the doors of communication are open.